In defense of the selective eater

.First off, I want to clarify.  I am not a picky eater, I am a selective eater, I am a conservative eater.  I know what I like to eat and I select to eat that again and again, and again and again. And then again.  

It is not like I have just discovered food, or eating, or taste. I have been part of this eating system for more than 55 years now. I know what I like and I stick with it.  My approach to eating is " if it isn't broke, don't fix it ".  And, so far, I am not broke.  I don't have scurvy or any of those other lack of food maladies.  So, I figure my eating approach must be working.  

Now, my lovely bride's approach is a little different.  She has two maxims in her approach to food that just don't quite agree with. One is "sure, I'll try that" and the other is "you need to eat from all these different food groups to be healthy". 

I could try more foods, but why?  I like what I am eating now. I enjoy the meals I have.  They are tried, true and safe. Sure bets in the world of meals.  Front Street Cantina is one of my favorite restaurants, a tasty little Mexican place. I happen to like their ground beef chimichanga, which I have every time I eat there.  I like many types of Mexican food (yes, I know most of it is the same ingredients, just with different names) and I would like many things on the menu, but what am I to gain by trying them?  In my mind, I look at it as a wager, a gamble. I am gambling the cost and enjoyment of the meal on whatever new plate I may try.  If I don't like it as much, then I have wasted the cost and the enjoyment of that meal by trying something new. So, I would be just as happy with that restaurant if they took everything else off the menu and just had chips and ground beef chimichangas.  

My lovely bride is trying to "improve" my eating habits. I admit it is very nice having home cooked meals  and Denise is an excellent cook.  I have very much enjoyed each of the meals she has made.  The thing is that she has decided that I need to be eating "better" foods.  Like eggs, for example. I guess there is something missing in me that eating eggs will magically cure. The thing is, they are "supposed" to be good for me.  Well, they were supposed to be good for me about 35 years ago, then for a while they were supposed to be "not good" for me.  Then, voila, they are supposed to be good for me again. I am sorry, but I am just not buying it. If all of the scientists cannot make up their mind on whether they are good for me, then why should I be expected to commit my eating habits to them.  Because, as previously noted, if I like them, I will eat them again and again, etc.  So, I am just going to wait this one out until someone can agree again. And, until then, I will just suffer whatever malady there is that is caused by my not eating eggs.  

I hear that I need to have fruit in my diet.  I have done well so far without it. I think it is a good idea, healthy, biodegradable and all of that, and I think it will catch on.  I am willing to try this. Right now, I am trying to determine how many blueberry muffins I will need to eat each day in order to get my minimum daily requirement of fruit. 

You're my wife

I often tell Denise that "you're my wife".  Until I explained it to her, she would just look at me with that expression that said "ummm, yes, I know this".  (Just to clarify, I did not have to explain to her that she is my wife, but explained what I meant when I told her that)

You need to understand the back story (I never had a back story before, but I just got one for Christmas).  I have been a single man since 1999.  Yes, since sometime in the last century.  I guess I was a bachelor (no, not the one on tv), but I did not consider myself one.  I figured that I would be married again sometime before too long, but after a decade or so passed, I began to think maybe I was wrong.  I think I was close once, but I did not have enough stamps to send in the mail order. After a while, I figured that singleness may be what God had called me to.  I began to think of myself as a tortured artist, alone, working on my art that no one would appreciate until after I was gone.  I felt a kinship with Vincent Van Gogh.  But I digress (always wanted to say that)

At the beginning of October, quite as a surprise to both of us, I met Denise on facebook.  Messaging led to texting, then to phone calls, skyping, then to our fairy tale romance, time together and our engagement.  

Then, late on the evening of December 23, Denise's plane landed at O'hare and we were together for good (with some exclusionary blackout periods).  We enjoyed our first Christmas together, and finally (after having to wait all 3 months), our wedding.  After that, we had our brief honeymoon in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin (state motto:  great, more people from Illinois coming to visit).

Now, things have settled into a routine for us, with my going to work each day, and our enjoying our time on the evenings and weekends.  

It is at these times that I will pause, look at Denise, and tell her "You're my wife".  This is not a possessive comment, a lording over her comment, or a new realization, but a statement made in awe. This lovely lady is my wife.  I realize how very fortunate I am, I see her love for me in so many things she does throughout the day.  I am humbled each time as she creates photo books for us, fixes up the house even more for us, decorates the place with photos we have taken, cooks delicious meals for us, prepares left overs for me for my lunches at work.  (if you don't think that is love, try eating the same things at lunch for work year after year).  If I have a headache, she applies lavender to help soothe it, she massages my shoulders, encourages me in my writing and photos.  Just this week, Denise joined me for taking photos at the youth theater and for a writers workshop.  I never have to ask for any of these things, she wants to be involved in the things that I am involved with, and wants to care for me.  

Denise retired from teaching and moved (like moving house moving) from Utah to St Charles IL.  Denise chose me to be her partner, to build a relationship with.  I am in awe of the partner I have found.  How is it that I, that bachelor, photographer, century long single man, have found this lovely woman?  And this is not simply a dating relationship, no, she has married me.  Committed her life and her future to me.  This is forever, as long as we both shall live stuff.  She is my biggest fan, my best friend.  

So, as I enjoy this new part of my life, day after day, I will look at her and comment "You're my wife".  And I will say it with awe in my voice and deep gratitude and appreciation.  

Vows

I know that I do not blog very often, but in my defense, it has been a bit of a busy December. But now, I have a few moments of peace and time. Denise, no longer my fiancée but now my wife, is sitting in front of the fireplace in our room at Mill Creek Inn, while I am just behind her on the sofa.  She is writing some of her thoughts in our journal, while I am typing away here on my blog.  

Since you all were last here with me, Denise packed up many of her essentials and moved to Illinois to be with me. Plus we got married.  So, in the past few days, we have enjoyed Denise's last day of teaching and first day of retirement, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, wedding eve, wedding day, and now honeymoon day. Not a bad week.  

Yesterday (wedding day for those keeping track) was wonderful.  We enjoyed the simple wedding that we both desired.  It was held in Bennorth Chapel, that used to be Chuck's Discount Photo Studio, and is now just our living room. It was attended by my three sons and their wife / significant others. I am so thankful for each of you making the time to be there with and for us. The Pastor for our ceremony was Brian, who was one of the fourth graders I taught in Sunday School nearly 30 years ago.  One of my closest friends, Jim, was our photographer. His wife Kate, rounded out the group. The wedding was short, simple and beautiful. Our first Christmas tree was the backdrop, and it looked beautiful. 

Neither Denise or I wanted the wedding to be the center of attention, but wanted the wedding as the place where we publicly committed what we had already had been living, before God and our family and friends.  We wrote our own vows to each other, so I was able to vow to Denise the ways that I will love, serve and care for her in our marriage. These are the vow that I committed to my lovely bride yesterday afternoon:

Denise, I choose you as my best friend, partner and lover forever. 

You are my first and last thought every day, and most of the thoughts in between 

You are my confidante and encourager

You are my safe harbor 

I will love you and serve you, as Christ loved the Church

I will protect your heart and our relationship 

I will listen always and help when help is wanted

I will cherish you and show you that in my words and actions

I love the mother that you are, and I promise to serve and encourage your relationship with your children.

I will never let you wonder about the depth of my love for you

I will be there with you, in good times and bad; in sickness and in health. I will never leave you. 

I will suffer with you in times of suffering and soar with you in times of victory

I will support and encourage you in this next phase of our life, as you enjoy the opportunity to express yourself in your writing, your photography, and your life. I am your biggest fan.

I will always let you know where I am and what I am doing, you will never have to wonder.

I will share all that I have with you: my love, talents, time, and belongings. What was once mine is now ours. 

I love you, cherish you, and adore you. I respect, trust, and value you.

I love who you are now, and trust in who you are becoming.

I am yours forever. 

These are the vows that I want to live out in my marriage with Denise. Each one has meaning to me in very real ways.  I want Denise to know how much I love her, day after day, and to communicate that to her in my words, texts, actions and touch. So that Denise will never wonder if the love is still there or if anything has changed. I want her to see, feel, hear and know that always.

I want Denise to always know where I am. Not that she is asking for that, but that I want her to know that.  That she can always text or call me, that I will be always available to her.  That there will never be questions or wondering.  

I will do my best to love and protect her tender, gentle and beautiful heart and our relationship.  She has entrusted her heart to me, which is a very vulnerable thing to do, and I want never to harm her heart.  Will things always be easy? No, but even in hard times, I want my love's heart to be safe and secure, as mine is with her. I want to have the hedges of protection around our relationship, doing the things that keep it safe from harm. Guarding by intentional actions our life together from any harm or intrusions. 

I want to listen, to really listen, and when help is needed, to help, and to have the wisdom to know when each is best. Denise comes first in my life, before friends, movies, Bull's games, the super bowl or editing photos. As a man, it is easy to be task focused, but I want to not give into that temptation, but to always be there for Denise, to always be in the moment with her.  

Denise has three wonderful kids, whom I get to be family with as well.  I am getting to know them, and they are fascinating and fun kids, talented in their own ways. Many people, in a relationship after a divorce, say that the kids always come first. Denise and I have not looked at it that way,as a 'them vs us' issue where someone comes first or second, but rather, we are husband and wife, the two having become one.  Part of our marriage are all 6 kids plus their spouses and partners.  We don't have an issue of someone being first, but rather of figuring out how we love, serve and take care of each of the six plus kids that are part of our family. No one is first, but we are all family. I am not in competition with her kids, but am loving and serving them as I do my own. Denise moved 1400 miles to be with me, and it is my desire and honor to serve her and them in maintaining the closeness of their relationship across the miles. 

There is a section of the Bible that talks about the man's role in a marriage. I think that it is often overlooked in discussions of roles in marriage. It tells me that I am to love Denise as Christ loved the church, that I am to love her as I love myself.  When the time came, Jesus gave Himself up for the good of the church. That is the way I want to love and serve Denise, to be willing to give myself up for her needs.  Will there be a heroic moment in time that I will need to give my life for hers?  Possibly, but not likely, but will there be plenty of moments in time where her needs will be in conflict with my momentary wants. I want to love her in that sacrificial way in those times as well. To put aside my desires, my wants of the moment, to meet her needs.  Maybe it is an ear to listen and a foot massage after a hard day, when the Cubs are in the World Series (ok, not in my lifetime, but you know what I mean).  Maybe it is a trip back to Utah to see Bridger when I want to go to Lake Geneva.  Whatever it is, with God's help, I want to live out God's instruction that I love her as Christ loved the church. 

None of these are vows that Denise has asked for, but are expressions of my love and commitment to her, that I want to do with and for her as wel live out our married life together. And I am so fortunate in many ways, that she chose me, that she said yes when I asked and I do when Brian asked, and that now I am truly married to my best friend. And I look forward to living out these vows with her, my wonderful forever girl. 

The question was asked .......

It is late, and my flight home was delayed (a regular feature with Frontier Air, but there is at least no extra charge for it ).  I am flying home from a wonderful week with Denise in Joseph, Utah. I have the exit row to myself, as a matter of fact, I have all of the exit rows to myself.  I think it is my responsibility to open all 4 exits if there are any problems.

I had the privilege of meeting all three of Denise's children and plus one's wife and another's boyfriend. This is quite a group of really nice, talented and fun people.  I am honored that I will soon be part of their family. The jokes, laughter, conversation and activities were wonderful.  We had a couple of photo sessions and a Thanksmas meal to prepare and eat.  I am looking forward to any future time with any of them. 

Also, on this trip, I was able to meet some of Denise's friends.  One, a lady who is very shy and quiet (it was hard to get even a couple of words out of her) surprised me by asking the question "why Denise?".

While I did answer the question at the time, I have also been rethinking my answer since then. Why, out of the roughly 2 billion women in the world, why have I chosen Denise to be the one that I will marry, that I will share the rest of my life with, the one to be my forever girl?

Ok, so maybe 1+ billion are from the Far East, Africa and such, whom I would never meet.  You can take them out of the equation, if you like, but the question still remains, why Denise? 

There are many reasons, including our shared common interests of photography, writing, being outdoors, not living life in front of a tv.  These are wonderful parts of us, but not the main reasons. Other reasons include how beautiful she is, what a wonderful mom she is, and how she laughs at my jokes (even the "dad jokes" or "chuck-isms").

The following reasons are much more important.  

A few years ago I was part of a small study group.  During one of these meetings, the leader of the group was talking about his relationship with his wife, about how fascinating she was to him, about how there was no other person he would want to spend time with more. I saw that and realized how wonderful that would be in a marriage relationship. To be married to my very best friend, to be fascinated by my spouse, to be with the one that I want to know and be with more than anyone, are all so important.  Denise is that woman to me. She is fun, caring, intelligent, witty, talented, and so much more. I so enjoy being with her, and she is the one who fascinates me, whom I want to know more and more, and to share more and more of life with.

I had a job with a small company a number of years ago, and was fortunate to see one couple interact with each other as part of my day to day job. They were together coming to work, worked in the same office, were together going home, and then together in their home life. This couple each watched out for each other, and both enjoyed their time together throughout the day.  I knew that I hoped for that enjoyment of time together with my spouse should I ever marry again, and in Denise, I have found that. We communicate very often throughout the day and evening and always look for an opportunity to connect again, whether for a quick phone call, or a multi-hour Skype conversation, where we may talk intently for a time but then also just share time while we are accomplishing out day to day tasks.  The times we have been together have been wonderful and smooth, enjoying each other as we talk, explore, hike, shop or whatever. We feel like we have known each other for years, and when we are together, it is as if we have never been apart.  There are no eggshells around, no uncomfortableness, but just the simple enjoyable comfort of time shared together.  

I have been in relationships, both personal and professional, where I have felt like there was a scoreboard over my left shoulder, and that each thing that I said or did was evaluated and scored, and the relationship was based on that score. With Denise, I am simply loved like I have never been loved before. She expresses her love, admiration, and respect of me to me in so many ways each day.  She tells me in her words via phone calls and Skype. She tells me in the text messages that we send back and forth.   She shows me in the Facebook posts she makes each day, sharing her love for me in the messages posted for me and about me with her friends.  She shows me in time together in the ways she cares for me, watching for my well being. The way she sits close, holds my hand, smiles at me, and cares for my physical needs (food, head aches, sore muscles) as well as protecting our relationship, show me that I am loved like never before. 

Additionally, Denise is the kindest and most caring person I know. I can see it in her relationship with others, through other's interactions with her, and especially in the way she cares for me.  The way she watches out for me, cares for me and guards my heart is amazing. 

So, why Denise?  Of course because she is beautiful, caring, kind, sweet, talented, a woman that I can really talk with, and a woman that I can enjoy exploring life with. But, even more so because she is my best friend, because I love any time that I have with her, and because I have never been loved as she loves me.  As you can begin to see, the "why Denise" is pretty obvious. I am just so fortunate that she has chosen me, and that I will have the privilege and joy of loving and serving Denise as my fiancée now and soon as my wife. 

I have a blog, I may as well use it.

Have you met my best friend, Denise?  If you don't know her, she is a terrific blogger and writer. I created a blog simply so I could comment on her blogs.  (The owners of the site may want to consider the user friendliness of the site, instead of requiring that anyone wanting to comment on a blog will need to create one of their own) 

Anyway, Denise is a terrific writer, creative, witty and encouraging. Her blog has followers from around the world.  (At this point, I think mine has one. Much like my Pinterest account). She writes from her heart and from her life, and relates so well to her readers because of that. Denise encourages others to see good, to seek good and to do good.  To face their fears and to enjoy their blessings.  Her blogs contain funny stories and epic battles and many little slices of life.   If you are looking for true depth and honesty in a blog, please check hers out. 

I have read a number of her blogs, stretching back a number of months. But more than just checking out her blog, I checked her out as well.  And such a true treasure I have found. She is beautiful, inside and out. Caring, sweet, kind, lovely, fun, intelligent, talented. She is the reason I am in this plane today, jetting from the Chicago to Salt Lake City. Fortunately, the flight is pretty much on time, if you overlook the fact that we took off probably 2 hours late and will arrive closer to 8 than 6.

In our fairy tale romance ( fairy tales do come true ), we have driven and flown to the Smoky mountains and then, a few weeks later, to Salt Lake City. We enjoyed wonderful times in both places, talking, laughing, taking photos, writing poems, eating, exploring and more. 

Today's trip will result in our getting to spend a week together in her home, my meeting her kids, all of us sharing Thanksmas together (you can find an explanation of that in Denise's blog), my seeing more of the rugged beauty of Utah, us just having time together. 

And in a few short weeks, my best friend will be jetting my way, coming to our home to share Christmas with my sons and I, and, two days after that, to marry me. 

My blog will continue as our adventures and fairy tale continues. Please feel free to check it out as time goes by.